1. And Now For Something Completely Similair

Hello, welcome to our CD
Can you hear the plain similarity?
To Linoleum and Shadows Of Defeat


2. Take Two Placebos And Call Me Lame
Can't you see my soul, on the record sleeve?
Its going up for sale, as soon as it gets saved
Interrogation blues, once again I lose
You dont get to magnify my insecurities
You dont get to site and save my unhip-ocracies (not for sale)

Take two placebos, then you can call me lame
Walk some in my shoes, then tell me to fuck off
My oversized hat, wont fit your humongous head
Ill trade a hundred days for one inside of you

Take me to a cave, where I cant be seen
Solace makes the heart, pump adrenaline
Im sick of being used, time and again betrayed
Give a man a key, he cannot not open the door
Give him something free and hell resell it to the poor (c'est la vie)

Take two placebos, then you can call me lame
Walk some in my shoes, then tell me that Im fucked
My humongous hat, wont fit your gigantic head

Just take two!


3. What's The Matter With Parents Today?
Mom and dad
How'd you get so rad?
When exactly did you get so hip?

Wearing teenage clothes
You're always coming to my shows
And telling me that I should mellow out

It's absurd
They're singing every word
You're not supposed to like my band
Things I like you don't understand

So please put down that rum and Coke
That's not behaviour for old folk
Can we just hang on holidays
Dad and mom
What planet are you from?
And what convinced you to pack up and leave
Doing drugs
And asking me for hugs
What's the matter with parents today?

Not again
When will it end?
Dad's dressing like Motley Crue
And why is moms hair dyed bright blue?

And stayin' out till 2 or 3
Then having sex publicly
I thought the apple fell far from the tree

Mom and dad, I think you ought
To quit smoking so much pot
And hanging with my friends

Laying round, on the couch
With my Misfits records out
Softly banging your head

Maybe its just a passing phase
What's the matter with my parents these days?

4. Dinosaurs Will Die
Kick back watch it crumble
See the drowning, watch the fall
I feel just terrible about it
That's sarcasm, let it burn

I'm gonna make a toast when it falls apart
I'm gonna raise my glass above my heart
Then someone shouts "That's what they get!"

For all the years of hit and run
For all the piss broke bands on VH1
Where did all, their money go?
Don't we all know

Parasitic music industry
As it destroys itself
We'll show them how it's supposed to be

Music written from devotion
Not ambition, not for fame
Zero people are exploited
There are no tricks, up our sleeve

Gonna fight against the mass appeal
We're gonna kill the 7 record deal
Make records that have more than one good song
The dinosaurs will slowly die
And I do believe no one will cry
I'm just fucking glad I'm gonna be
There to watch the fall

Prehistoric music industry
Three feet in la brea tar
Extinction never felt so good

If you think anyone would feel badly
You are sadly, mistaken
The time has come for evolution
Fuck collusion, kill the five

Whatever happened to the handshake?
Whatever happened to deals no-one would break?
What happened to integrity?
It's still there it always was
For playing music just because
A million reason why
All dinosaurs will die
All dinosaurs will die
All dinosaurs will die


5. Thank God It's Monday
Monday is my favorite time of year

I'm gonna tell you what I really think I like about Mondays
Cause they feel like Saturdays
When you don't gotto go to work
Every day is a holiday
I wake up when I want to
I do anything I wanna do
Can't wait for Tuesday

I really never liked Fridays (I don't)
I can't do what I wanna do (Like to do)
Sold out at the movies (Sold out)
Can't eat at the restaurants (Restaurants)
Everybody want a good time
But the bar's full of cigarette smoke
I think I'll stay home
I think I'll wait for Monday

I live a 5 day weekend
I gotta year long holiday
Thank God it's Monday
The only place I gotta go be
Is at the show or on the first tee
Thank God for Monday
Nevermind the aggravation, modulation
Gimme another key

I'll tell you why I like Tuesdays (Wednesday)
Cause the're kinda like Christmas (New Years)
Come to think about Wednesdays (Thursday)
Are a little like Hannakah (Every day is good)
Thursday's Thanksgiving
I'm talking about good living
I'll think I give thanks
Thank God it's monday


6. Clams Have Feelings Too (Actually They Don't)
Birds are dumb, 'cause small bird brains
But so are kids and old people
Some birds talk, most others sing
I don't see you eat a talking bird

Pigs smell bad, they roll in poo
But so do kids and elderly
I don't see you chop off an old man's feet
Put 'em in a mason jar and pickle them

No chowder for you, 'cause clams have feelings too
Actually they don't have central nervousness
No manhatten style, clams have the right to smile
Come to think about it, they don't have a face

They have no face, no place for ears
There's no clam eyes, to cry clam tears
No spinal cord, they must get bored
Might as well just put them out of misery

I don't beleive it's selfish
To eat defenceless shellfish

No chowder for you, clams have feelings too
It could happen to you, clams have feelings too
I don't think they do, clams have feelings too


7. Louise
She gotta walk with a silicone cock
Sticking in her ass, and one in her cunt
A butterfly vibrator strapped tight to her clit
But who's got the remote control?

That would belong to Louise
She's got a new pet, a real vaginal tease
Mommy's little girl is gonna do as she please
If she don't wanna get a spanking

She likes to speak like a 6 year old brat
Mommy discipline me, you know I've been bad
Start with a cat then she'll move to a crop
Neither one is willing to stop

She knows how girls just wanna have fun
With four piercings on each side of her labia
A little luggage lock connecting each one
Prevents her girl from going astray

Slut you think you've seen your master mean?
You better lick my puss and asshole clean
Treat my clit like bubble gum
Bitch make me cum

It's time for bed she'll be secure in her head
Between her thighs for a thorough night suck
Along with this she'll be drinking her piss
So Louise don't have to get up

Two goddesses in love
One resides below, one reigns from above
One adorns and cuffs while one covets keys
The purgatorial touch, of Louise

8. Stranger Than Fishin'
Got a no string guitar
Got a sun beta head
Im a rock 'n' roll star
I aint no musician
Some things are stranger than fishin'

Know how to a beat on a drum
Know how to sing outta key
Got some prescription drugs
I aint no musician
Some things are stranger than fishin'

Yeah I know what I am
Chop up another gram
Some of us have all the luck
No matter how much we fucking suck


9. Pharmacists Daughter
Give her a call for demerol and amal nitrate
I tell her dad, don't worry sir we won't stay out late

I'm in love with her
The pharmacists daughter
She's got my love
I get her drugs

Waking up in the afternoon can't wait to see her
Bringin' in some colonopin I'm huffin' ether
She's the one for me, without personality
I still wanna see her every day

We got a date and I can't wait to see my baby
If I wine and dine her she just might sedate me
She's so beautiful she keeps my perscriptions full
She got my love I get her drugs (She got my love)
She got my love I get her drugs (I get the drugs)
She got my love, I get her drugs
Looks like I'm all in the bought the pharm (ACY!)


10. Bottles To The Ground
You know it (know it, know it)
When it's over (over, over)
Doors are closing (closing, closing)
Feel the sober (sober, sober)
Staring at you (at you, at you)
You know you'd better take one last good look

One more round then it's bottles to the ground
Smashing of the glass what a supersonic sound
Gotta pull the plug when it's time to die
A wo-o wo-o wo-o
Bottles to the ground

Theres a suitcase (suitcase, suitcase)
On the sidewalk (sidewalk, sidewalk)
Theres some records (records, records)
In a milkcrate (milkcrate, milkcrate)
She'll be staying (staying, staying)
You'll be throwing whiskeys over one lip

One more round then it's bottles to the ground
Smashing of the glass an perfect imperfect sound
We gotta pay the piper when the rats are gone
A wo-o wo-o wo-o
Bottles to the ground

One more round then it's bottles to the ground
One more round then it's bottles to the ground
... (you get the idea) ...


11. Total Bummer
Go away, sunny day
Go away, sunny day

All the horny people sitting
In front of their TV and thinkin'
What is wrong with me? I'm not a monster
Why won't anybody fuck me
I don't wanna live life lonely
Why does everyone have to be perfect?

Go away, sunny day
Go away, sunny day

All the barfly's sippin' whiskey
Fighting ever present pitty
Wondering what they keep sucking back for
Is it the drink or trepidation
Watching all trains leave the station
Left standing alone without a ticket

You light up my life
You give me hope
You carry on
You light up my days
And you, you light up my life

Stop searching cause there's no answer
Just a long ride of disaster
There's no simple way to stop the sadness
Life's not fair I'm glad it's not
This isn't heaven just a lonely
Planet on the verge of self-destruction

12. My Vagina
My vagina has two sets of lips
But I don't get monthly blood drips
My vagina hardly even used

My vagina's got lots of extra skin
They took my outtie and made it an in
Changing Donnie to Marie Osmond

Operation successfull
But now I gotta pee
Through a miniature hole
Gotta remember to put the seat down
And when I wipe my ass
I go from front to back
Cause I don't want a bladder infection

I never thought I'd miss my vas deferans
I traded it in for a pair of huge cans
Now I get to hang with lesbians

Operation paid up front
Now I show all my friends
My new designer cunt
They think I'm kinda weird
But that's OK with me
Cause now I kick their ass
Playing from the ladies tee
Theres nothing finer than having a vagina


13. Herojuana
Light the match, burn the flower
Leave behind, all the wrong
Why be sad?
When happiness can be bought for a little more then free
Modern day prohibition

Are we men? Are we children?
At what age, can I choose how to live?

The only real drug problem is scoring real good drugs
Havent we learned our lesson?
The corner store sells finer scotch
But whos got uncut powder?
We just want what is ours (dignity)
If God created plants, and plants that I find and abuse
Then who the fuck are you to judge me?



14. Theme From A NOFX Album
We're professional punkers
We come from the suburbs
After 15 years, we're still having fun
Now we're over 30, not looking so purty
At least we got a beat up accordion

That's Eric our drummer, his father's a plummer
He drank enough booze to get Rhode Island drunk
Now sober but smelly he's got one big belly
From livin' the good life provided by punk

Singin' singin' singin'
Buy me a Becks beer or pass me a bong
Gimmie some bushmills I'll sing you this song
Open another big box of cheap wine
We're over 30 we're doing just fine

Hefe's not satanic he's one hip Hispanic
He grew up with one dozen cousins and kin
He wears baggy pants he know how to breakdance
You've seen him do every impersonation

That's Melvin on six-string "some tell me I can't sing"
Oh I think you can just don't do it 'round me
Stick with what you know playing guitar solo
With Hetson and Watt in punk karaoke

Singin' singin' singin'
Buy me a Becks beer or pass me a bong
Gimmie some bushmills I'll sing you this song
Open another big box of cheap wine
We're over 30 we're doing just fine

My name is Fat Mike I'm obsessed with big lesbians
I've been a punkrocker for most of my life
I sing kinda flat I'm not really so fat
But that's how I hit them with a hook or a slice

I'm Kent I do sound "Look he's getting so round"
Like Timmy The Turtle he counts as he clicks
I'm Jay (I don't care) someone please cut his hair
I'm Limo from Scotland so gimme haggis

Singin' singin' singin'
Buy me a Becks beer or pass me a bong
Gimmie some bushmills I'll sing you this song
Open another big box of cheap wine
We're over 30 we're doing just fine

Buy me a Becks beer or pass me a bong
Gimmie some bushmills I'll sing you this song
Open another big box of cheap wine
We're pushing 40 we're doing just fine